I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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