Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
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You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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