Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize