I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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