no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
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I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
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you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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