My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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