a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize