Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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