i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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