Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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