It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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