i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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