My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
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just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
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Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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