For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
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The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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