a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
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