I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize