look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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