Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
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Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
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I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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