Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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