all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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