I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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