worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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