we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The feeling are messing with the penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We had sex on a dog bed..
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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