Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize