I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize