When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
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There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
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It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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