One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
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Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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