Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
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Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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