They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize