if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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