dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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