Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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