I think im going to throw up on grandma
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
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so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
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I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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