I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
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Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
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My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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