cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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