dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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