I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize