you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
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Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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