Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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