I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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