I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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