Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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