You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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