Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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