and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize