I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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