I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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