We named our party play list daddy issues
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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