my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize