my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize